We Are Not Alone
by krdurin
Summary: Kylo and Rey find strength and a spark of hope within the comfort of each other's company, but will it be enough to bridge the chasm between the light and the dark? Begins with several one-shots mid-way through The Last Jedi and continues post-TLJ. Kylo POV, Kylo/Rey. Angst, hurt & comfort, and romance. Disclaimer: Potential spoilers ahead if you have not watched The Last Jedi.
1. Hope

**Oh look, I am aboard yet another ship! It shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone by now, haha.**

 **I saw a prompt about a scene where they speak again and Rey tells Kylo that she is coming for him. The original prompt was more of a humorous and light-hearted take but it very quickly turned serious so i just rolled with that.**

 **Anyway, I know that there are quite a few fans that aren't too stoked about The Last Jedi and possibly more that don't care for a Reylo ship, and that is completely fine, but please be respectful to those who did enjoy the movie and the current trajectory for the characters involved.**

 **Just in case it wasn't obvious, I do not own anything.**

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There was a tugging within his mind, just on the edges at first, but growing and growing until it was almost overwhelming. Everything around him seemed to slow and fade, with only one thing coming into focus.

Kylo did not need to see her to know that they had linked again. Questions that did not seem to leave his mind fought for his attention.

 _What was triggering the moments when they linked?_

It had been an hour since he had spoken to her, an hour since they had _touched_. An hour of agonising anxiety, not knowing whether she was alive.

They _had_ touched hands. They were billions of miles apart, but they had touched and it had felt so _real_. She had felt it too, he saw it all too clearly in her eyes. The shock. The fear. The relief. After so many months of being alone, so many _years_ of being alone, _finally_ he felt as though he belonged. He felt as though he was where he was meant to be.

Kylo had foreseen her future, a future where she had joined them and stood freely by his side. They were content, the fear and anxiety of loneliness just a distant memory for them both. It was almost as though that future had already arrived as their shaky hands had met.

He had felt as though he were finally home.

And then the moment was ripped away from him. Her eyes had widened in fear and she jumped backwards, turning away from him and towards a new danger.

The last thing that he heard was Luke's voice calling out, angry, _furious_ , his rage directed towards her.

And then there was nothing.

He couldn't see her. He couldn't feel her, and it wasn't for a lack of trying. He was desperately reaching out for her, desperately trying to find her, to make sure that she was still alive.

His fear had turned into rage with each passing moment. His mind filled with images of Luke standing over him, prepared to kill him, and his mind would not relent in imagining Luke's attempts on her life.

He had envisioned Luke striking a blow through her stomach, her lifeless body falling to the rocky ground below her as her dark amber eyes stared emptily at the sky above her. With clenched fists and boiling blood, Kylo had pulled his lightsaber from his belt and destroyed everything and anything in his path.

He was thankful that she could not see his surroundings; he did not want her to see his weakness, nor her involvement in that.

"Ben," she whispered, her voice cracking with desperation and determination. Kylo turned to face her, seeing the dried tears on her muddied cheeks. The relief at her apparent safety was quickly dulled, as the rage consumed him once more.

 _Had Luke hurt her?_

Almost on impulse, without considering his actions or their consequences, he strode across the room towards where she stood, his eyes imploring her own.

There was so much emotion within her, so much emotion that filled and brimmed over her eyes that he felt as though it would consume him. She took a deep breath, and seemed to steel herself for the words she was about to say.

"I'm sorry, Ben… Luke, he… I know what happened that night… I know…" Rey trailed off, her eyes imploring the ground as though it would bring back the innocence and naivety of a reality that only just collapsed beneath her footing.

Kylo stood before her, never more uncertain of himself. Seeing her as she currently was felt as though he were looking into a mirror. Their lives seemed to have run at parallels for so long, two completely different paths but still so achingly familiar, hurtling towards a future that he was becoming more and more sure of.

With that future within his mind, he closed the distance between them both, slowly lifting his hand to her face, terrified that she might recoil from his actions.

In his disbelief, she didn't flinch. If he were to be hopeful, he might have thought he saw her tilt her head infinitesimally towards the open palm that was just millimetres from her cheek.

Without an objection to his movements, he gently took her cheek within his hand, wanting to brush away her fresh tears but frozen in fear now, his confidence starting to sway.

What was he doing? This was not the path that was chosen for him. This was not what Supreme Leader Snoke had envisioned for his future, and it was not what he had been training for all these years.

But as she looked from his hand and back up to his face, the future became solid.

Her breath hitched as they stared into the depths of each other's eyes, the longing and determination taking root within their chests, far too visible for either one to hide.

She moved her own hand to his cheek, her confidence visible within the speed of her actions, sure of what she was doing.

"Ben… I'm coming to you. Tell me your coordinates. I'm… I need to speak to you, in person." If not for the shallow, breathy murmurs of her voice, Kylo would have assumed that her confidence prevailed, but it seemed that just below the surface, she was just as scared as he was.

"It… No, you cannot." Kylo dropped his hand from her cheek and turned away from her touch, but she was unrelenting, like an icy wind on a winters night. She grabbed his hand and stopped him from turning away, pulling him back to face her. The spark of determination that had been simmering beneath the surface blazed into a wildfire, and the confidence was felt not just within her words, but within her tones.

"I am coming to you. Either you tell me your coordinates, or I will find you. Ben… _We_ are not alone."

How could he resist the reassurance of her words, the fire in her eyes or the feeling within his chest that told him that he was finally not alone?

He couldn't. His self-control had never been his forte, and his chance at leaving loneliness behind like a reoccurring childhood nightmare was something of bliss.

Nodding, he divulged the coordinates that she desired, and despite her relaying the information to who Kylo assumed was Chewbacca, she did not let go of his hand. Her warm fingers curled around his cool ones, and it surged a strength through them both.

She looked back to Kylo, her eyes imploring his, before turning as her attention drew away from him. Nodding her head, she looked back again to Kylo urgently, squeezing his hand.

"I am coming for you, Ben." She stopped for a moment, glancing downwards slightly and in a final act of courage she stood on her tip toes and brushed her lips against his. It was just a whisper before she disappeared, leaving him with his newfound hopes and his deepest fears and everything that seemed to be entwining their existences.

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 **I hope you enjoyed! Please review, favourite or follow if you feel so inclined- I will possibly write more one-shots in the near future so if you have any ideas let us know!**

 **Happy holidays and have a safe break!**


	2. Betrayal

**I just have a lot of emotions about Kylo and Rey, okay.**

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 _Anger. Rage. Betrayal. Rejection_

His hands shook as he replayed over and over within his mind the moment she had reached for her lightsaber instead of his hand. Kylo clenched his fists to stop the weakness of his unsteadiness, so tight he thought he may cause the inside of his palms to bleed, but he did not care. Instead, he revelled in the sensation, calling the darkness to him, filling himself completely with the fury he felt to distract from _her_.

 _Loss. Fear. Desperation. Longing_

Waves of new emotion crashed against the inside of Kylo's skull, the bombardment of emotion leaving him more breathless than their fight against the Praetorian Guard. He couldn't be sure whose emotions he felt then; the line between himself and her had begun to blur dangerously. He wasn't sure where he ended and where she begun, and he was less certain when this had begun to occur.

It felt as though she were all around him, intoxicating his senses and drowning him in her fears, in her dreams and in her hopes.

 _Weakness_ , he spat, as though everything about her was a foul taste on the tip of his tongue.

He directed all his rage at her, hoping that she could _feel_ it, that those emotions would bring her as much pain as she had brought him. He did not want to feel the pain anymore. He did not want to feel _her_ anymore.

He forced himself to forget about the way she fought fiercely and proudly alongside him in the Throne Room. He attempted to drive out the memory of her lips brushing his, setting fire to the hope that had taken root within his chest at the action.

 _Weakness_ , he thought again, resolute.

She had betrayed him. She had told her that they were not alone and then she had _left_ him. How could she ask him to turn away from the First Order, from all that he was? For her rebel scum friends? For her vision of their future? Did she think that he would just turn to the light for her?

 _But you killed Snoke for her_ , a voice whispered within his mind.

Roaring, he ignited his lightsaber, ready to destroy everything in his path.

"Supreme Leader… Perhaps it is not wise to… React at this moment… We have already taken heavy losses and we cannot afford damage to any of our remaining fleet…" Hux lingered at the door of Kylo's shuttle cargo hold as he spoke, his eyes trained almost confidently on his leader, yet his body betraying the fear that still remained.

Kylo did not even waste his time turning to face the General, lifting his hand in the direction of the snivelling man and choke holding him until the dark within him was sated. Dropping him to his knees, he clenched his fists once again while listening to Hux spluttering, gasping for air.

"Alert me when we reach the surface. I will bear witness to the end of the rebel scum."

Hux stood to his feet unsteadily though brusquely, nodding as his eyes lingered on Ren for a short moment, before he hurried back to the bridge.

Rather than use his lightsaber or the Force, Kylo pummelled his fists into the nearest wall as though the physical pain would ease the emotional turmoil.

 _I would rather be struck down by a thousand saber blows than feel anything for her._

As soon as he thought the words, he punched his hand through a light panel.

 _I_ do not _feel anything for her_ , he reprimanded himself, breathing heavily against the shattered glass and his bleeding hands. However, there was a small piece within him that was crying out, trying to convince him that that was anything but the truth.

Almost as though the small voice within him wanted to test those convictions, his senses faded, and he felt her. She was frantic, running across the room as though she were desperately trying to fix something.

 _Or save someone_ , he thought bitterly, thinking about the trash that she had chosen over him.

In her panic, it took her several moments to realise that he was there, but when she did she hesitated to look directly at him.

Her emotions washed over him once more, and he fought to reject the pain she was causing him to feel.

As her eyes glanced to his hands, dripping with blood from his own inflictions, he was flooded by concern for him.

 _Concern?_ He thought angrily, the venom rising in his throat. _Where was her concern when she betrayed him, when she turned down the prospect of a new order in the galaxy, by his side? Where was her concern when she broke her promise and left him alone?_

Kylo saw her physically flinch, tears brimming her eyes as he realised that she had heard him through his mind.

 _Good,_ he thought miserably.

With every ounce of the force he could muster, he threw the betrayal, the fear and the longing he felt right back in her face. He saw her stumble backwards as though she had been dealt a physical blow, and the last thing he saw before he blocked their connection were the tears that streamed down her cheeks and the utter sadness that flooded her eyes.

He dropped to one knee, the exertion of his actions taking considerable toll on his energy. Kylo knew that he should not have unleashed his emotions against her as he did, knowing that the logical route would have been to force their connection shut immediately.

Kylo, however, did not seem to have a logical bone in his body, his dark temper quick to make the split-second and impractical decisions for him.

 _Especially_ when he felt like this. _Especially_ when he felt so conflicted, so lost and so _alone_.

Realisation dawned upon him briefly, before he forced the darkness to envelop it completely.

 _She was the only person in the entire galaxy that had made him feel untempered belonging, even for just one moment._

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 **I am not sure how many more one-shots I will do like this, just because I really want to write a full story after the events of The Last Jedi. The only thing stopping me from doing it is that I feel a little out of depth with the terminology and lore of this world (galaxy), and I am always very concerned about accuracy. Only time will tell, I suppose!**

 **If you would like to see a full story, or have any ideas or suggestions, let a girl know! Otherwise, favourite, follow or review if you feel like sharing some love.**

 **Have a great weekend and happy new year if I don't update before then!**


	3. Revelation

He was doubled over on the control room floor of Crait's rebel base, the sound of Stormtroopers sweeping the stronghold sounding in the distance.

Within his hands were the dice that hung from the Millennium Falcon. A memory came to him involuntarily, filling his senses before he could block it.

 _His small palms opened and closed as he reached for dice that dangled just inches from his grasp, teasing. He let out a string of incoherent words, eyebrows knitting together in a frown as he seemed to move no closer to the item of interest._

" _Here, sweetling," a voice murmured from behind him. His vision suddenly filled with the image of a Princess, hair in a braid behind her neck and smirk on her face. Her fingers collected the dice and she gently brought them down to him._

" _Maybe one day he will be able to use the Force to grab them, don't you think Leia?" His head turned to face the familiar voice, a young Smuggler becoming the focus of his vision. The Princess moved behind the pilot's chair and looked down at him, mimicking the expression on the Smuggler's face._

 _Adoration. Pride. Joy._

 _Kisses were pressed to his forehead as the dice pressed against his palms, giggles and deep laughter filling the air._

The sounds still rung in his ears as he finally forced the memory from his mind, his eyes glancing back to the dice just as they faded from his hand.

 _Another trick,_ he admitted, defeated.

With his eyes scrunched closed in pain he exhaled to try and steady himself against his memories, and against the events of the last twenty-four hours. His shoulders slumped, and he leaned backwards slightly.

When he opened his eyes again she was there, her own orbs trained on him in pure anger. He saw it pulsating from her, the darkness pouring from her being.

 _No,_ he cried instinctively, not understanding why he was filled with fear for her.

His fear was quickly replaced with her rage and he inhaled sharply against the emotion she had not felt from her since their first few encounters.

 _You killed Luke_ , she screamed at him through their minds. _You killed him._

Kylo opened his mouth to convince her that he hadn't killed him, that Luke wasn't there to begin with, but in his hesitation, she clamped the connection closed.

What was the point in telling her that he had not killed Luke? He may not have struck a blow to his physical form, but he had _tried._

He had tried with every cell within his body.

When he realised that it was just a trick, that Luke was ensuring a safe exit for the last of the resistance, he was unforgivably livid.

It was only as he felt Luke's death ripple through the force, like a kick in the chest, that he was finally relieved. Elated. Overjoyed.

That was until he saw her eyes and until he felt the anger rolling from her. The darkness within seemed to be growing and he felt breathless thinking about it.

He did not revel in the sight of her surrounded by darkness like he had expected, like he _should_ have. His relief had diminished, the elation evaporated, and his joy was replaced with fear.

 _Why?_ He screamed out to no one, wishing that Rey had not broken their connection, so that his anger would not boil within only his mind.

 _Because you did not intend to quash her light._ The thought amplified within his mind, upturning the furniture and destroying everything he had become so familiar and comfortable with.

Once all had been broken, realisation dawned on him so hard that he didn't know what he was left with.

He never wanted her to turn away from the light. The offer he made her to rule with him, to take over the galaxy with him was never a dichotomy; it was never about choosing light over dark or vice versa.

He wanted everything they were to meld and collapse into each other, just as it had in the Throne Room. Just as it did when they touched, and when they kissed.

She thought he wanted to turn her, to fill her with the darkness that had become a part of his being, but he didn't _want_ that. Seeing her only moments before cemented that within his mind.

He just wanted _her_ , by his side. He thought about the darkness perforating the air around her and it felt so _wrong_.

When did the darkness ever feel wrong to him? _How_ could it ever feel wrong?

It was only in meeting her that he felt that turmoil. He had never wavered in his vocation for the dark side until this point. What was so important about _her_ that caused him to feel this way _?_

Another subconscious thought called across his mind, and finally the dust settled.

 _Black and black only makes black. White and white only makes white. There is no balance_.

Kylo rose to his feet, staring at the ground as the furniture begun to rearrange itself within his mind.

He could not fully turn away from the dark, and she could not truly turn away from the light. It seemed that there was no compromise, no bridge, no path where they walked together, but as the space within his mind finished refurbishing, he saw it.

He saw it, as chaotic as day and as clear as night.

He saw it, as peaceful as the jungle on Takodana and as damaging as the deserts on Jakku.

He saw it, as the explosive light of each star within the galaxy and as the calm darkness within the space in between.

He saw it for what it was, and it was all grey.

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 **Thank you so much to Shiranai Atsune, Loveless1310, AngelfromBeyondBelow and je'wella12 for the reviews and suggestions! I really appreciate ya'll taking the time to comment, it means a hell of a lot to me!**

 **I know this is a very quick update after the second chapter but there is no way I am going to ignore the motivation to write when it hits!**

 **I have decided that I will write a story succeeding the events of TLJ in this archived fanfic, for example, as chapter 4 onwards. The reason why I will do it like this is because the content of these chapters and the struggles within Kylo will flow through into the story I write, and I feel as though creating a new fic on this site is a little messy. If this does not sound okay, and you think I should just start fresh in a newly published story, let me know!**

 **Otherwise thank you again for reading, and I can't wait to upload more soon!**


	4. Fear

**Hello! I am sorry about such a late update, I got halfway through this chapter and scrapped it because I wasn't happy with it. I am much happier with this version and I hope you enjoy it too!**

 **Just a quick note: If I have made any errors in terms of the lore within the canon content of Star Wars, please let me know! I have only been a casual fan up until recently and I am sure to get things wrong, so please let me know in the reviews if I can improve anything!**

 **I have also updated the summary of this story to better convey what it is and will become.**

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"Our fleet has taken heavy losses, Supreme Leader… The _Supremacy_ , our only other functioning Dreadnaught, the _Finalizer_ and half a dozen Star Destroyers were rendered non-functional during the assault on the Rebels… We have another Dreadnaught due for completion within the next four weeks, however…" Hux hesitated, shifting his feet slightly and jutting his chin upwards as though he were bracing himself for impact.

Kylo stood on the bridge, facing out towards the vast expanse of space, contemplating. He could feel the fear creeping from Hux, but there was something else simmering away beneath the surface, something that he could not quite grasp.

Not when his thoughts were consumed with _her_.

Kylo turned to face the General, his bored expression settling on him as he walked towards the control panels of their much smaller Imperial Star Destroyer, one of the only remaining within their fleet.

"Get to the point, General." Kylo's air of indifference caused Hux's composure to crack for a split-second as his brows knitted together in surprise.

"Well, Supreme Leader… We only have a dozen Imperial Class Star Destroyers until the new Dreadnaught is ready for hyperspace. We need more ships, however our contacts have been… Spooked… By the destruction of over half our fleet, Snoke's death and the rumours circulating about the filthy scavenger…"

 _The Last Jedi,_ Kylo thought, rolling the title around within his mind as though he were deciding whether he liked or despised the taste. After a few moments he expelled the bitter flavour from his palate, rejecting it just as he had rejected his training as a Jedi all those years ago.

Images of himself as a frightened teenager filled his mind and he crushed them as quickly as they surfaced, refusing to allow that pain to swallow him once more.

He quickly forced his attention to the words he spoke only days earlier, the words that he still clung to, using them to fuel his strength and feed the darkness within him in the presence of Hux.

 _The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi… Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to._

Kylo turned away from the control panel and growled to Hux as he stalked away from the bridge.

"I want the Dreadnaught within the week. As for our contacts, I will find the rebel scum and quash any doubts of the First Order's abilities myself." Without further elaboration, Kylo entered the lift and made his way down to his quarters.

Entering his room, which was also considerably smaller than that on the _Finalizer_ , he inhaled sharply when he saw her sitting on the edge of his bed, her face cradled within small hands.

Kylo hesitated for several moments before he removed his gloves and slowly stepped further into the room to avoid disturbing her. It was in vain, however, as their connection meant it was impossible to ignore the physical and mental presence of one another.

She wiped her eyes as discreetly as she could, her reluctance to roll belly up and show the soft underside of weakness rippling through their connection. Standing from the bed, she turned away from him as though breaking the line of vision would break the connection.

Much to her dismay, the connection remained.

Kylo opened his mouth in several attempts to speak, but each time he closed his lips taut.

What would he say? What _could_ he say? Her eyes, full of rage and hatred the last time they connected had dictated where they stood. Her eyes, writhing with the shadows of the dark he had become so accustomed to, had told him what they meant to each other.

 _But not her,_ he thought miserably. _She should not be accustomed with that darkness._

"Could you keep your thoughts to yourself?" She made out angrily, finally turning around to face him. The skin beneath her eyes took on a pale grey and purple tinge, further accentuated by the bloodshot of her eyes and the swollen red of her usually sun-kissed cheeks.

Right now, her skin was reminiscent of the blood and snow colouration of a recently disturbed surface on the planet of Crait.

She looked as though she had not had a decent night's sleep since living in the harsh desert of Jakku, where the demons of the world were unable to drown her.

Now, it appeared the innocence and naivety she had used to shelter her against the storm had been blown away somewhere along the line, and she was unable to rebuild and withstand all at once.

"Can you feel it?" Kylo whispered, the question forming only as the words left his tongue, something within him _needing_ to know.

"Feel what?" She shot back, though the sting was cushioned by her surprise at the tone of his voice. He took a step closer, slowly, as though he were scared she would close the connection shut before he found his answer.

"The dark? Can you feel how it is radiating from you, enveloping you?" Her eyes flickered with realisation before anger settled in its place, and within her answer he knew that she did not know what was happening to her.

"Is that what you are hoping for? Do you still think that I would turn against almost everything I hold dear for the _dark side_?" She strode closer to him as she spat the words, the fear and anger and pain flowing freely from her, tangible within the air that surrounded them both.

Kylo quirked his eyebrow at her in interest despite her rage, her statement unlocking the cage where he had resolved to imprison his hope for their futures after the _Supremacy._

" _Almost_ everything?" Her eyes widened, and her cheeks turned a darker shade of red in her embarrassment. He saw a memory rise unwillingly from her mind across the connection, before she closed it off to him.

It was the briefest glimpse, but he saw the moment their hands met for the first time, and he felt the relief, the belonging and the affection that had set her soul ablaze.

Something shifted within Kylo's chest then, a small seed of warmth expanding slowly, mingling with the cold and creating what he had begun to feel only once before.

It felt like twilight; the moment the sun retreats over the horizon as night extends its reaches to meet the remnants of day. The deep blues blend with the golds and the yellows, lapping at the edges and creating pinks, oranges, purples and there within it all; _grey._

 _The dark rising and light to meet it._

She moved to storm past him, but he brushed the palm of his ungloved hand against the inside of her upper arm, holding her gently in place.

She looked up to him with a fury in her eyes, the darkness rising like a tide. His own words echoed within his mind when he saw her on Crait, when he first saw the perforation of her light and her hope.

 _No._

A question rose within her mind and before she could verbalise it, Kylo let her feel the answer, the truth of what had begun to stir within his soul and the realisation of what he asked of her on the _Supremacy._

 _Fear. Hope. Death. Life. Sadness. Happiness. Rage. Peace._

 _A tumultuous river, cascading and flowing, supplying sustenance and wreaking destruction._

 _A fiery star, providing life and creating death._

 _The dark rising and light to meet it._

Her eyes were wide, fixed on his as the force flowed through them, around them and within every single particle of life within the galaxy.

But there was a resistance within her heart, the pitch dark of pure fear clenching around her and digging its nails deeper and deeper with every shallow breath she inhaled.

The fear of loss, and a flash of his face in the Throne Room, the dread that what was flowing through them both was just a trick in order to sway her or to kill her.

Kylo could feel the hurt pass over his expression, before he uttered the words he was once certain he would never say aloud to anyone.

"I should have never asked you to join me. I can see now, I could never destroy your light as you could never destroy my dark. Rey, I'm sorry."

Her name leaving his lips shocked him more than the apology. He had tried to distance himself from her, never uttering her name, not so much as even _thinking_ her name.

She had always been the _scavenger_ , the _girl_ , the _rebel scum_. She had never been _Rey_ until he relinquished his control and realised that their existence had and always would be interlaced, wound within the constant conflict of light and dark.

As he felt the darkness begin to release its grasp on her heart and the connection begin to fade, he heard her words within his mind clearer than he saw her speak them, like a scorching breeze on a warm desert's day;

 _Not conflict, Ben. Balance._

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 **Thank you so much to love of escapism and AngelfromBeyondBelow for your reviews and advice! I really appreciate your comments, follows and favourites, it really is a great feeling to get love on a story you have so much fun writing!**

 **Enjoy the rest of your week ya'll! xx**


	5. Heartbreak

It had been weeks since he had spoken to Rey. Their connection had not faltered, much to the disbelief of them both. Kylo wondered if Snoke had lied about puppeteering their connection, as his death had done nothing but strengthen and magnify the effects of their bond. When they were thrown together from across the galaxy, Kylo swore he could smell the scent of stale rations and feel the brush of warm, mechanical air against his cheeks. He saw how Rey flinched when he was standing on the bridge listening to Hux throw arguments across the space towards him, and he swore she heard him, too.

Each time they connected through their bond, the timing was poor. Kylo was most frequently on the bridge when her presence brushed against the back of his neck and the inside of his mind, alerting him to the activation. It was quite difficult attempting to drive fear into the hearts of his officers, and confidence into the minds of the First Order sponsors when she was watching him.

Often, Kylo interrupted Rey while she was busy planning, discussing or fixing machinery with others. He could sometimes hear fragmented whispers of those she spoke with, enough to know that she spent much of her time with the traitor and the Resistance Pilot, as well as the BB Unit that led him to her in the first place. A jealous rage burned within his heart, and he wished nothing more than to sever the connection to destroy the way she made him feel.

The hurt of rejection frequently coursed through his being after the waves of rage subsided, leaving a hollow loneliness within his chest he didn't realise had begun to be filled somewhere along the line.

Rey would never speak or spare him a glance while she was in the company of the rebels, but he often saw her flinch as anger filled his being and spewed through their connection. Instead of recoiling from those emotions, she would gently enter his mind, filling a small space within, soothing and familiar as if to prove him wrong, to tell him that he wasn't alone.

He could feel her emotions as though they were his own. She was still in shock at their last encounter; the hope that she had lost in Ben aboard the _Finalizer_ had begun to re-emerge, as she felt the changes within his words and within his heart.

The anger that filled her after Luke had become one with the force begun to dissipate, as he felt her reconcile his motives for hating Luke so overwhelmingly. The darkness he had felt beginning to roll from her had also diluted; it was still there, but it didn't seem to be as intense as it was before. He often wondered how someone who walked so fully within the light was able to be so readily encompassed by darkness. It scared him at the same time he marvelled at it.

Despite this, the days passed slowly and the strain on their already foreign relationship steadily increased. The bags under Rey's eyes deepened and she begun to curl into herself, her shoulders slumping as though an invisible weight was crushing her moment by moment. The concern he held for her was mirrored within her own mind; the same dark circles underneath Rey's eyes were paralleled in his own face. He could feel the strain of physical and mental exhaustion within them both, a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter through the force, drawing himself and Rey further apart.

With the newly completed Dreadnaught tested and deemed ready for travel, Kylo, General Hux and the remaining army and crew had relocated their command to the larger vessel. Once control had passed to the _Guillotine_ , signals from Crait's Rebel base were decrypted by analysists at Kylo's order in an attempt to discover where the remnants of the resistance were taking refuge. Hux had advised that they send several smaller Star Destroyers to the Outer Rim to raze possible allies to the Resistance and discover where the _Last Jedi_ was hiding.

Kylo refused his advice, which seemed more like a thinly veiled order, and made a show of exerting his position and power over General Hux, who seemed to become more self-assured as the days passed.

Instead, Kylo ordered the entire remaining fleet to enter hyperspace and occupy the Outer Rim, to intimidate those within the region into submission of the First Order.

What Kylo failed to reveal was his true intentions, fiercely guarding everything about the connection with Rey from those within the Order, particularly from Hux. Kylo feared that charging Hux or another high-ranking commander with the task of finding Rey would result in complete obliteration of whatever rock she wanted to hide herself on.

He could not allow that to happen.

Not when he had only just begun to understand the ebb and flow of the dark and light within his chest, the balance of the two within the grey, and where he had begun to truly feel a lack of conflict, as though he was not being ripped in two.

Their journey into hyperspace towards the Outer Rim had just begun, and Kylo had finally found himself in his quarters after twelve hours in meetings with sponsors, attempting to gain more funds for the First Order, and planning the actions they would take once they exited hyperspace.

Their order was to occupy the upper atmosphere of several planets of interest without using their limited resources to destroy what may be resistance sympathisers. Kylo argued, and further enforced his will, under the guise that they could force supporters to submit through presence alone, and flush out anyone who would dare to cross them, including the scavenger.

He could sense within the minds of his higher-ranking officers that some thought he was being much more level-headed as the new Supreme Leader, however most others believed he was a coward, a child with the power to crush the final remnants of the resistance but not understanding how.

It had taken much of his strength to quash that sentiment from the minds of those who dared believe it, calling to the darkness that surrounded him and sending it in a flood through the minds of every single individual aboard the _Guillotine_.

Dropping heavily onto his bed, he had begun to shut his eyes with fatigue when he sensed her. He pushed away the feelings of lethargy and stood upright, coming face to face with a tear-stricken Rey.

Fear and pain filled his heart at the sight, every nerve within his body wanting and needing to encircle her small frame, fiercely protecting her from the world around.

He did not anticipate the words she spoke next, and everything within his body seemed to implode.

"Leia is dying, Ben… We… We don't think she has long…"

Kylo stared at her, looking for any trace of deceit, but there was nothing but pain and heartache radiating from her mind.

He stumbled past her, shaking his head in disbelief.

"No… No, I saw… I saw her… She died, she was… Murdered…" He choked the final word from his dry throat; he hadn't murdered her, but he had intended to. He had been so close to pulling the trigger…

"She did not die, Ben. But the impact of being in the vacuum of space, and losing… Losing Luke… It has taken too much from her… She fell into another coma after… Now her life signs, they are starting to weaken… There is nothing we can do…" Rey begun to sob silently, fresh tears cascading down her swollen cheeks.

Kylo couldn't listen. His heartbeat seemed to radiate within his ears, and he found it difficult to breathe, let alone respond. His vision begun to cloud, and he let out a strangled cry, throwing himself against the wall of his quarters in pain. In anger. In loss.

Kylo pummelled his fists into the walls, opening freshly healed wounds and causing blood to drip from his clenched fists. He pulled his fists back in preparation to slam them against the blood-splattered walls again, when they stopped halfway through the air.

He opened his eyes, tears that had brimmed them now flowing freely as his blurry vision settled on Rey, who had pushed herself in between him and the wall, holding his wrists with all the strength she could muster.

The rage subsided once more and only left that gaping hole within his chest, the hollow loneliness he desperately wanted to rid himself from. He wrenched his bloody and broken hands from Rey's grip and dropped to the ground, sobs wracking his chest.

He could feel the darkness writhing all around him, encompassing him as it grew from his fear, his regret, his guilt and the rage at himself that seemed to burn him alive. It gave him strength as he fed from it, but before it could completely devour him he felt a calloused hand on his cheek, and another wave consumed him, though this time it didn't come from him.

This time, it wasn't darkness.

He could feel Rey offering him her light, sending it crashing against his soul. He felt as though he should drown amongst it, but it wasn't a harsh tide. It was overwhelming, yet it was gentle and tender in its approach.

Rey was sending waves of emotions and memories through the bond, and with each hesitation, with each relapse into the darkest abyss, she countered it.

He pushed against her with his guilt, with his regret at everything he had put his mother through, but she countered.

" _I still have hope. My son is still alive. My son is still inside him. Bring him back to us."_

He saw Leia, her face full of hope as she looked at Rey, a vivid memory. She sent her own feelings of hope through the bond, beginning to fill the hole within his chest.

Disappointment and hurt quickly rose within him and he offered the darkness of his loneliness and the hatred of himself to her. Rey's breath hitched as the darkness almost overwhelmed her, but she sent a memory through his mind that caused him to gasp instead.

" _Ben… We are not alone…" A spark of something she had not quite felt before, something she had not quite grasped the understanding of flooded her being and she kissed him, relishing the coolness of his skin under her warm lips. Then he was gone, the loss of his presence causing a frantic pain within her chest, and a determination that rose within her like a levee about to break._

Kylo's eyes focused on Rey as she knelt in front of him, her hand on his cheek and eyes imploring his own as though she were trying to decipher the workings behind them. He could feel everything within her heart as though they were one and the same, and he opened himself up completely to her, letting everything bleed through their bond.

 _Fear. Hope. Pain. Belonging. Anger. Love. Passion. Compassion. Loneliness. Happiness._

 _Balance, and the grey within it all_.

Kylo moved his palm to her cheek, forgetting about the blood drying within the creases of his fingers. He needed more of her. He needed to drink in the grey that was pulsating between them both, as though his life depended on it.

The grey. The balance. The belonging. The loss. The hope. The fear. The love.

 _Oh Force, the love_ , he sighed within his mind. She felt that and instead of countering it, she flooded him with the love she felt. The love for her friends, the love for Leia, and the love, a timid and exciting love for him.

Just like that, the balance of the force extinguished, and it left them both breathless.

 _Light rising and dark to meet it._

 _Except that was completely light_ , Kylo thought incredulously. His wide eyes were still trained on hers, both trying to understand what was happening.

"Ben… That was..."

"What you've wanted all along, I suppose. For me to embrace the light." Kylo's words were far away from the bitterness he usually cloaked himself in. He sounded despondent and downtrodden.

"No… I mean, I thought that was what I wanted… But it… It didn't feel quite right…" Kylo's eyes snapped back to hers, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown.

 _What?_

She felt his confusion through the bond, and she stood, gently taking his hands in hers to help him upright.

"Let me clean your wounds, Ben. There's blood everywhere." He nodded, trying to decipher her words as she rushed to the nearest drawers and begun to rustle through haphazardly. In her mild panic and in his shock, they both failed to realise what had just happened until Rey brought back several pieces of fabric and some water.

Kylo stared at her with wide eyes and jaw slackened, his composure shattered. How had she done that?

"Ben, what is it?" As soon as the words left her mouth she glanced to the dark fabrics within her grasp and snapped her head upwards at her surroundings.

She could see his surroundings, not her own.

"How are you doing this?" Kylo stood to his feet and glanced about him, making sure that he could still see his own surroundings.

"I-I don't know… Ben, how is it that this bond continues to strengthen? Have you learnt about these connections through any of your training?" Kylo shook his head slowly. He had never encountered information regarding force bonds; however, he knew that both Luke and Snoke did not trust him. Why would they have taught him about anything of this calibre?

Kylo opened his mouth to tell Rey as much, but the intercom at his door begun to beep insistently. Within the time it took for his eyes to flick to the door of his quarters and back to Rey, she was gone.

He snatched his gloves from where he had discarded them before he planned on sleeping, and ignoring the pain that shot through his hands, he covered the blood that had since dried and sculpted his face into the new mask he wore for his followers.

That mask stayed in place even while General Hux informed his Supreme Leader that the Knights of Ren would be joining them in the Outer Rim once they exited hyperspace.

Kylo was sure he felt fresh blood dripping into his gloves as he clenched his fists in a difficult attempt to stop himself from crushing Hux with his bare hands.

Pure fear begun to slither within his chest and strangle his lungs, a fear that he hadn't felt since the night Luke had betrayed him.

He was afraid for his own safety, but the image of Rey's face that flashed within his mind told him where his panic was truly founded.

Rey was in more danger than he could have foreseen, and he needed to think of a plan.

* * *

 **I sincerely apologise for my delayed update! I have just finished moving houses, have started two new jobs AND have had a minor pet emergency so the last six weeks have been super hectic. Now that I am settled and I have a bit more spare time since moving, I should be able to update every two weeks. I am looking to have this story finished at the 20 chapter mark as well, but we will see how that pans out. Anyway, I hope everyone has been well and thank you for your patience! xx**


	6. Loss

Despite the exhaustion he felt, Kylo's mind would not allow him to rest. He paced back and forth within his quarters, even hours after Hux had returned to the bridge, attempting to connect with Rey. Each attempt was met with a barrier he had not felt before, and with each effort, Kylo became increasingly frustrated and panicked.

Had the Knights of Ren already made their way to the Outer Rim? Had they gotten to Rey before he had?

 _Not possible,_ the logical portion of his mind insisted. They had only just analysed the transmissions and entered warp, the Knights would be at least another five days in warp from their current mission in the Ilum System.

Kylo unconsciously shuddered at the thought of the Knights. Those scared boys at the Jedi temple had seemed to be more easily corrupted than he had been. Where there had been conflict within his heart, despite his wholehearted efforts to please Snoke, the Knights of Ren had become completely devoid of light within months of training with the Supreme Leader.

He knew the only reason Snoke had not forsaken him for one of the more devout Knights was contained in his blood. The conflict within his soul was outweighed by the direct lineage to the _great_ Darth Vader.

To _Anakin Skywalker._

His mind drifted to his dying mother, the bridge between himself and the crushing weight of expectation that was bestowed upon him from birth.

His mother who neglected and betrayed him, his mother who he had betrayed and left broken.

The rage and fear dispersed and left room for only guilt and regret. He reached out to Rey, desperately needing to speak to her, desperately needing to feel the gentle waves of her light to temper his dark.

Kylo reached out to Rey every few minutes, only to be met with a gentle resistance; she wasn't purposely blocking him out, but she was indisposed.

 _Sleeping,_ he realised with a defeated sigh. Kylo moved to his bed and lay down slowly, feeling the acidic burn of failure rage through his chest.

Hours passed and Kylo fell into a fitful sleep, his waking fears turning into terrifying nightmares. He saw the Knights of Ren with the severed heads of his mother and of Rey, their laughs echoing throughout his mind. He ran towards them, screaming, but his feet did not seem to comply with his mind. The force would not obey his efforts until the figures disappeared, and he felt a light breeze against his cheeks.

He sighed with relief at the presence of Rey, but that relief was quickly extinguished when the force signature did not match hers. The realisation dawned on him the moment he heard a voice that had been forgotten by his ears.

"Ben, my son."

Kylo turned slowly to face his mother. Leia stood, dressed completely in white, her face serene and young, her shoulders relaxed and unaffected by the weight of the world. She looked as though she were almost at peace.

 _Almost._

There was a look in her eyes that spoke volumes, the exact look that Kylo felt within his own soul.

Leia walked slowly towards him, her eyes taking him in as he stood frozen in place. The presence of her force told him that this was no longer a dream. His mother was truly there with him.

Kylo felt his lips tremble and he pushed his nails further into his palms to keep the brew of emotions underneath.

As she reached him, she placed her open palm against his cheek, and the force of her love poured through with so much strength that the air rushed from his lungs as though he had been physically hit. He felt tears begin to pool behind closed eyelids and he did not have the strength to withstand the flow of his mother's force and control his response all at once.

The tears finally streamed over as the love receded and forgiveness instead filled his being.

Forgiveness for his actions after Luke's betrayal. Forgiveness for the horrors he had inflicted across the galaxy.

Forgiveness for murdering his father and her great love.

Kylo fell to his knees and clutched his mother's hand as the sobs wracked his body. He was unable to speak for what felt like eternity, and when his chest stopped heaving, the words that left his mouth were strangled and stuttered.

"I am so sorry, mother… I am so sorry for… For everything…" Leia knelt beside him and lifted his chin to draw his attention to her. The conflict of emotions within her eyes begun to flood to the surface, and it was in deciphering this that Kylo missed the blue that begun to tinge her aura.

"I know, my son. I know. You have my forgiveness wholeheartedly… I just hope that one day you can forgive me for sending you away… I thought that Luke was the best to train you and help you control your abilities… I was wrong, Ben, and I am so sorry." Kylo searched her eyes and felt the regret and guilt that she still carried within her.

Shaking his head, he held both of her hands within his own and implored her dark eyes.

"There is nothing to forgive, mother. I understand completely." He allowed the truth of his words to wash through the force towards her, proving that he meant every single word he said.

A wave of peace flowed through him from her, and the smile that spread across her face was one of the most beautiful things he had seen. The light that he felt emanating from her was so pure and white hot that it took all that was within him to continue breathing. His gaze was caught by the deep blue of her aura that glowed stronger and brighter with each moment that passed.

"Mother, what…" The words lodged in his throat as he stared at her, wide-eyed and frozen in shock.

Leia leant forward and kissed his forehead, her hands lingering at his neck until she spoke the words he thought he would never hear again in his life.

"I love you, Ben. I always will." Kylo closed his eyes, and just as he swore he would drown in her light, he shot upright from his bed, panting and covered in sweat.

He felt an enormous ripple crash through the force and the truth of what happened filled him with a gentle, content sadness he had never felt before.

Leia Organa had become one with the Force.

* * *

 **I apologise that this is a short chapter, but I feel like it conveyed exactly what I needed it to (after I rewrote it three times!) Because I have done a rewrite, the next chapter will be up sooner because most of it is salvageable from what I cut from this chapter. Anyway, I hope you're all well! Thank you to _love of escapism_ and _AngelfromBeyondBelow_ for your continued support, I really appreciate it! Feel free to favourite, follow and review, it really makes my day! Enjoy your week ahead everyone and thanks again xx**


	7. Revival

"Ben."

Kylo could hear Rey's whispers calling to him throughout the night, but when he turned to where her voice emanated from, she was not there.

He was not even sure that is was truly her calling to him through the bond, or whether it was just his imagination, but he was certain he had never felt more alone in all his life.

Her voice echoed through his mind and would not relent throughout the night nor through the following day. The loss of his mother fuelled a façade of rage and control towards those he encountered through meetings and strategy preparation, especially Hux, whose eyes seemed to flicker with a quiet arrogance.

The façade was just that, though; he felt emptier and emptier by the moment, the rage just a hollow motion of old routine.

His mask also seemed to be a glass panel to Hux, who pressed Kylo with snide comments and attempts to assume command over particular plans. Kylo felt something take hold within him, especially since his recruitment of the Knights of Ren, something that seemed to grow in strength with each passing moment. Even his threat and use of violence seemed to do little to deter the parasitism of the General.

Kylo could snap his neck so easily, with only an afterthought in his mind, but he needed to pry the information from him first, to find out exactly what it was he was planning.

The strange tugging within a corner of his mind that whispered hesitation at such a callous action also gave him a pause on the action.

"You're growing weak," Kylo spat as he paced within his quarters. He threw his blood-stained gloves across the room and dug into his hands again, needing to _feel_ the pain to help devise a plan to stave off Hux and the Knights.

 _Only three days until they exited hyperspace._

 _Only four days until the Knights of Ren would arrive from the Ilum system._

 _The Ilum system…_

"You are not weak."

Kylo sighed as the familiar sensation of light filled his mind, though it was mingled with the even more familiar emotion of grief. He turned to face a drowsy Rey, her eyes bleary as though she had only just woken from sleep.

He frowned slightly at her words before turning his attention to the more pertinent issue. They did not have enough time.

"You're already in the Outer Rim, aren't you?" Rey's bleary eyes widened in response, her grief turning quickly into anger as she came to her own conclusion about the source of the information, the darkness beginning to writhe within her chest and through the bond at the thought of yet another betrayal.

"How… Are you tracking us? Are you using this bond to track us down?" Rey stiffened and turned to run, but Kylo crossed the distance between them and grabbed her hand before she could sever the link.

He couldn't let her believe that this was his fault. He couldn't stay silent as he did after Luke became one with the force.

He couldn't let her believe that he was still the monster.

"Stop, Rey. _Please_." Rey had begun to shrug out of his grasp until he pleaded with her, letting his walls down so that she could see and feel the honesty behind his words.

"Your transmissions were analysed from the base on Crait. I… I assumed you had already arrived due to the lack of humming engines and the fact that it looks as though you have just woken up… It must be morning there now." The scepticism on her face told him that he wasn't doing well enough, so with a deep breath, and a shaky voice, he continued.

"I know that I have given you nothing to allow you to trust me. I know that I have done nothing to deserve anything you have given me… But you must trust me now… You and I, and your… Your friends… We are in far more danger than you can imagine. I am trying to thwart the attempts of the First Order reaching you… Reaching my mother… But I failed her, just as I have failed everyone else… I cannot fail you."

There it was; the tide swelled and breached his defences, spilling his deepest fears from loose lips.

Kylo's fear of failure was rooted deep within his core. As a child he felt as though he had failed his mother and father when they didn't spend time with him, when they sent him away. As a teenager he felt as though he had failed Luke, and Snoke, as though there was something wrong within him that neither thought was good enough for them.

Then he met _her_ , and he hadn't done anything but fail her. But something was _different_. Something told him that he would take as many chances he was given to keep trying to prove himself to her.

He hadn't realised that he had closed his eyes until he felt Rey's palm against his cheek, and through hooded lids he saw her stand to reach him and brush her lips against his. He was hesitant, the fear of rejection blazing through his chest until her reassurance doused the flames that threatened to burn him to ash.

As their energies mixed together once again, his lips melted into hers, the fear no longer smothering but entwining with hope and fuelling their determination and strengthening their bond.

Rey snaked her hands around the back of Kylo's neck and through his thick hair, her erratic movements becoming more and more urgent as she moved against him. He could taste and feel her longing, her passion, her desire, and he so desperately wanted to give in to that, to feel the warmth of her spread throughout him, but he couldn't.

They were in immediate danger and they needed to think of a plan.

Pulling away from her was the last thing he wanted to do, especially when he saw the confusion within her eyes. Kylo placed a hand against her jaw and strained his neck to press his forehead against hers, to reassure her of her own doubts that had begun surfacing through the bond.

"Rey… We cannot, not now… You're in danger, even as we speak." She exhaled, nodding her head reluctantly, but letting the darkness of her desire simmer well below the surface once more.

"I need you to tell me everything, Ben, so we can work this out together."

"I will. I think I even have the beginnings of a plan."

* * *

 **I didn't mean to breeze over Leia's death in this chapter, it will DEFINITELY become more of a focus within the next few chapters! There are a lot of things starting to happen and shit is going to start hitting the fan!**

 **Also I am the worst at uploading new chapters I am so sorry pls forgive me!**

 **Review/favourite/follow if you feel so inclined! :D**


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